So, when you have 15 chances, slim long-shots though they may be, how can you make a mistake? When you've heard the stories of search committees smirking in embarrassment for the wretched candidate who they tossed onto the reject pile for spelling errors in their cover letters, how, how can you send off a cover letter to a school you feel is really right for you, feel it in your body, as if you had a connection, a cover letter where each word vibrates with the desire to create this connection, including a sentence that you repeat. One right after the other. The same sentence. Vibrating ever more dimly in its repetition.
Michael says that mistakes happen and it's just a mistake, not a referendum on who I am as a person.
I, nonetheless, feel real bad right now. very despondent and very much wondering whether continuing on this quest is really worthwhile if I can't seem to get the things that need to be gotten right, right.
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Leg Stubble is the New Black, according to Anna Wintour Or, dissertating one's way towards...not dissertating anymore.
prof-ile
- ms. baby
- la, ca
- This started as part of an effort to dig myself out of a mild depression: I figured that if I compiled to do lists instead of throwing them out, I could combat the feeling that I never accomplished anything. It has become a series of commentaries and semi-incomprehensible mini-reviews of my primary forms of entertainment: food and movies.
to do: work
- Right now: Write Cham sections and put C3 together.
- Feburary: Try to rewrite C4. This will involve i) More close readings of the play ii) situating the texts better with plot summaries and lists of performances iii) A new intro iv) Rereading Agamben and figuring out how to manage this adjacency issue. v) Writing the CalArts women thank you notes.
- ARCHIVE OF THE DONES: Write a coherent teaching statement. Prep for mock interview. DONE! Grading. DONE! MLA paper. DONE! Write a hard-core postdoc app. DONE!
aggregated
- http://apricot.wordpress.com
- http://bitchphd.blogspot.com
- http://chocolateandzucchini.com/
- http://defamer.com
- http://denniscooper-theweaklings.blogspot.com/
- http://feministing.com
- http://fourfour.typepad.com
- http://geoffreyphilp.blogspot.com/
- http://gofugyourself.com
- http://greenlagirl.com
- http://laist.com
- http://lornadice.blogspot.com/
- http://losanjealous.com
- http://mmandres.blogspot.com/
- http://noahandjulie.com/
- http://shoeblogs.com
- http://tenured-radical.blogspot.com
- http://woollywumpus.blogspot.com
- http://www.newkidonthehallway.typepad.com/
- http://www.reassignedtime.blogspot.com/
to do: life
- Write thank you cards (3).
- Pay off my tickets: 1) figure out how to pay Glendale ticket 2) go to traffic school.
- Call electrician about that wierd buzzing sound that occurs every time I turn on the kitchen light.
- Clean up car: DONE! Suze Orman would be proud. **And now the car is dead. Correlation?
- Pay down debt (currently $480.41): DONE! I'm credit-card debt free!! Now, onto the student loans, although those should be paid by the sale of the condo, when I move. **And now I want to cancel that card with its stupid fees.
- Figure out car insurance: DONE! I'm insured. **And now that my car is broken, I need to figure out how to de-insure myself.
- Call Khoa: DONE! Unfortunately, the bathtub is leaking--a more pressing problem than the grout. DONE. However, now there is a gaping hole in the garage ceiling--perhaps not the best solution for stopping a leak. **And now I'm going to take up this problem again because the shower water is lukewarm at best and I like my water hot hot hot. So here we go again with a new set of plumbers. When i find a new set of plumbers.
- Sell file cabinet
- Read Therí's paper
- Procure dog
- ARCHIVE OF THE DONES: Dry cleaning for mla: dropped it off, need to pick it up after Friday at 5:00. DONE! Sent my parents' christmas presents up. DONE! Buy teak bathmat: DONE! Sadly, it's useless and nothing but a towel to sop up the water that seeps past the shower door will do. Sigh.**Now, I'll have to get a rubber mat for the bathroom: DONE! And it works! Update: it's better, but there is still water on the floor that needs to be wiped up. Return shower caddy to Bed Bath and Beyond: DONE! Assemble bathroom furniture: DONE! It looks great--even with my three ancient, mismatched towels stacked up there. Return boxes to the container store. DONE! Buy interview suit: look at Express, Theory, Bennetton, and Ann Taylor: DONE! I procured a suit-like suit at Brooks Brothers, the whitest place on earth. Drop off clothes at Goodwill: DONE!
Blog Archive
to do: blitz
- sarah
- marilyn
- giulia
- irmary
- mariana
- dar
- nv
- sf
- marzena
- thérèse
- toño: he called me, so, done.
- magdalena
- staceymo
- Call: hen
2 comments:
It's probly too late now, but if you'd like an extra pair of eyes to scan over stuff before it goes out, I'm always looking for new ways to procrastinate. (I'm all caught up on Carolyn Hax.)
We all have that 'what the hell am I doing' feeling sometimes... I got reamed at a poster session a couple years back, totally flubbed one of my grad school interviews with someone I REALLY admire (and still hope she doesn't remember me when I cross paths with her at conferences)... It happens. And unfortunately, it seems to happen more when we really care about something and desperately want to make the very best impression. I think the only way to deal is to brush it off (if you're hard on yourself, it just freaks you out more the next time, and anxiety is really at the root of the problem) and take away whatever lessons there are (e.g., next time, start making the poster at least a week before it needs to go to the printer, and practice practice practice talking about it and answering every possible question that could be asked).
oh did you like it? did you go back to the hax's hall of memories?
i'm reduced to reading amy dickerson, who is pretty wimpy in comparison.
that app was a total fluke: i have michael go over each package before i send it out, it's been a sort of fun project (probably not at all for him). but i thought i had this one under control because it was an email sendout and i dunno, i got cocky and was a little bit rushed with it, i guess. in any case, i called yesterday and told the secretary that i had sent out the wrong version, and could i please switch them out and she said i could send along the new one. i dunno if that means there will be two letters in the file and if that makes it worse or if she'll remove the previous one, obviously what i hope for.
shit like this does always happen though, no matter how careful and prepped you are, and it really is not the end of the world or the career or really anything more than some moments of uncomfortably desperate writhing.
seriously though, thank god i'm almost done, only 1 left.
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